The Selfish Blog: OOPS!

A friend recently asked me if I quit blogging. Of course not! Why would he think that?

Oh. Maybe its because my last blog entry was March 11, 2011.

Thanks Chris for the yank on my timeline!

It is embarrassing that it was 11 months ago when I blogged that my goal was 2 post a month. The entry before that was May 2010. But you should know that at least once or twice a week I do think "this would be a good blog entry" but I fail to make a note and then all that wisdom goes unwritten and unshared. (Imagine that)!

As you may know, our family has a caboose, an "ut-oh", a surprise, an "oops". An unplanned child. Call it what ever you want because it IS what it IS and we don't even bother to pretend otherwise!

Eight years ago, Bradley Ender Brown popped into our lives and he was uninvited! Many people gasp when I call him an "oops"! (but I'm used to people gasping at the words that leave my mouth) The conversation usually goes like this:

Them: "You have FIVE children? You look good for having five children!"
(Note: This is an entirely different blog entry. Do you people really think this is a compliment? To me its about as complimentary as saying, "You don't sweat much for a fat girl.")

Me: "Yes, four on purpose. I have a 3 in college, a son in 10th grade aaaaaand a 2nd grader. Can you say "oops"?

Them: "Awwwe, don't you mean he was a surprise?!" (and they look nervously at Bradley, who is most likely standing beside me at the time, grinning ear to ear because he knows I am talking about him).

Like I said...call it what you want. It is quite obvious he was not planned! I think he will one day figure this out on his own so why don't we just embrace it? Bradley, you were NOT on my 10 year plan but you snuck in there anyway didn't you? He usually grins and snickers when I say this. I'm pretty certain that he is proud of his intrusion. In fact, I don't think he even knows that being an "oops" could possibly be anywhere in the realm of anything negative.

Not letting him in on this secret is like parents who choose not to tell their children that they are adopted until they are 18 years old. Why would you do this? Is it a secret? Is it shameful? Do you have to be an adult to understand the beauty of being adopted? Absolutely not. If I had a child who was adopted, I would tell him that he was adopted as often as possible. I would whisper in his ear, "adopted, adopted, adopted, I love you so much, I am glad you are mine, and you are adopted". I would make sure "adopted" was a beautiful word to him. We would embrace that he was adopted just like we embrace that Bradley is an "oops". He doesn't feel bad about being an "oops". He is proud!

I often worry about the things he doesn't have. Namely a brother or sister close to his age. Its really more like he has three moms and three dads. Poor guy! He and I have only been to story time at the library once - and it was at 7:00 pm and by accident. (We were at the library and they were having children's story time, and we sat in). He went to daycare when he was only 6 weeks old. (gasp!) He was bottle fed. We don't meet friends for play dates at McDonald's. This year will be his first birthday party at home...with a "theme". (per his request). I have never been the "room mother" for his classroom.

In spite of all those lacks in his life - he is really a happy, easily entertained, well rounded and very healthy little boy. When I stress over these things he is missing, my mom reminds me that you can't miss things that you never had. He only knows a life with brothers and sisters a lot older than him and a mom who works. Even though he occasionally ask for a little brother, he can't miss having brothers and sisters his age! Right? This is his life and it is a good one. I am trying to embrace that as well.

Bradley's birth changed the dynamics of our family. For the better. I am thankful for this "oops" every single day. I am happy his personality allows me to be playful about his position in our family. I know that, as I (anxiously) watch my older children leave me as quickly and close together as the came to me, he brings me a lot of comfort. This may be a major reason that he was given to us but no matter what, I know he was meant for our family.